UnNews:Pope John-Paul II announces candidacy for President
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Pope John-Paul II announces candidacy for President
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, November 29, 2015, 21:46:UTC)(
2 April 2007
VATICAN CITY, New South Wales -- Thieving, canniving, Democrat-loving, Mary-worshiping, Irish/Italian/Mexican job-stealers and their cunning Roman Catholic officials have completed the first phase of a campaign to make the late Pope John Paul II an official candidate for the 2008 U.S. presidency. On the second anniversary of his death, they gave DNC chairman Howard Dean a dossier detailing his saintly qualities.
Central to the late cleric's step political career is the testimony of a Papist nun, Sister Marie Simon-Pierre, who says she was cured of heterosexuality after praying to the Pope in the vile, idolatrous, Pagan rite which Oliver Cromwell rightly condemned. A medically-supported miracle is one of the proofs needed for beatification, the step before forming an exploratory committee, despite the fact that science is the gospel of Satan. If deemed genuine, a second miracle would still be needed before John Paul officially enters the race.
The final decision rests with Pope Benedict XVI, the late pope's former protector of doctrine, and the vile, pedophilic Communist who has controlled the Democrat Party since the Irish started stealing hardworking White American jobs in the 1840s.
Despite these promising events, many God-fearing Republicans are unconvinced. "Born Karol Józef Wojtyła in the unforgotten nation of Poland, he would be constitutionally unfit for the presidency," Princeton constitutional scholar Heywood Jablome told UnNews reporter Lotta Lies. "It is legal for a felon to run for president, but there is just no legal precedent for dead candidates, with the exception of Strom Thurmond, and that was the Senate."
However, many in the Jew/homo/liberal press predict these objections will have no effect on the election. "C'mon guys. This is the same Supreme Court which orchestrated Bush's 2000 coup and decided to piss of everybody with Roe v. Wade," unAmerican cleric Ayatollah Gurkhmeini stated in a conference with Reverend Zimulator of the Uncyclopedian Church. "It's not like constitutions have stopped the clergy before."
It is rumored that there is a plan to try to get around the death issue by changing the Pope's name to "John Paul George Ringo" and hope that nobody notices it's the same guy.