UnNews:Pope's third book on Jesus is really just bad fanfiction
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Pope's third book on Jesus is really just bad fanfiction
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, May 30, 2015, 09:29:UTC)(
22 November 2012
VATICAN CITY, Italy -- Pope Benedict has at last published the third part of his literary trilogy that centers- unsurprisingly- around Jesus Christ. The first two books, while not very popular, were generally given good reviews by the few people that read them. "It was pretty good." One avid fan of the series told UnNews, "Would've been better if I knew how to read, but eh." With excellent reviews like this the world had been on the edge of its seat, eagerly awaiting the final book. But much to everyone's horror, when the reviews came in, they were horrible.
"This isn't a book." One critic says. "This is little more than gay fanfiction about Jesus. BAD gay fanfiction." According to critics, the book contains numerous instances of Jesus and his twelve apostles making thinly veiled references to sexual activities, as well as offering a sort of 'gay fanservice' for the series's homosexual readers. "See, there's this part where Jesus meets Mary Magdalene, a whore," The same critic told UnNews, "Now, it would have been perfectly acceptable for him to redeem her soul and then have sex with her, because sex with women is alright according to the Bible. But instead, she washes his feet. Obviously the Pope was attempting to please fans of gay foot fetishism, and that is just not acceptable when it comes to religious text. And that's why it's just fanfiction- Jesus wasn't gay, and he certainly didn't have some weird foot fetish."
People across the nation cited numerous other instances of gay foot fetish references, with men washing each others feet every time they enter a home. Reports are coming in of serious alienation, disgust, and confusion from anyone who reads it. "I didn't know we had made REX RYAN the Pope." An angry reviewer from the internet said. "I mean, I knew Catholics were gay- what with all the pedophilia- but I didn't think they were THIS gay." The Pope could not be reached for comment, as he had retired to his quarters to play a game with a couple of choir boys.