UnNews:Ponting dismisses 'flour' jibe
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Ponting dismisses 'flour' jibe
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, August 2, 2015, 15:03:UTC)(
30 July 2009
Edgbaston, Birmingham, England -- Sick of being taunted for his squeaky voice, Aussie cult cricket hero Ricky Ponting finally let fly at reporters amid rumours that his players were non carbon based, flour clones.
"Jesus man," squeaked the right handed father of one. "Do you honestly think that me and me Sheila, Rianna, could have consummated our marriage if I'd been made out of flour?"Sagitarrian Ponting, who claims to have been born on the 19th December 1974 in Tasmania, is the current captain of the Australian team seeking to go top of the 'World Cricket Tree'.
"We've had a kid man", continued the be-battled slugger before downing another glass of Pims and soda and tutting to the point of distraction.
Ponting and his 'Baggie Greens' were appalled when an Auckland reporter had dared to presume that some of their number were actually scared of playing in the rain because they were made of flour. "It was f***ing raining you turnip, no one could have played in those conditions. Even Noah would have lost his nerve."
Ponting's sanity and lack of moral and religious taste has been questioned by none other than the infamous Crosby poet, Roger Van Gogh. "He's under a lot of pressure" argued Van Gogh. "One more loss and the Aussie Overlords may lose their tight grip on the 'World Cricket Tree.' He doesn't know what he is saying." Van Gogh then knelt on one knee and mumbled audibly, " Father, forgive him, he knows not what he says."
Latest odds on the Ashes
- Ricky's flour bandits 22-1
- Pakistan 23-1
- Poms 300-1