UnNews:Politicians out of touch with British electorate
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WATFORD, UK -- A plague of voter apathy has swept the UK as many people haven't even registered to vote. Some analysts have put this down to the fact that none of the mainstream politicians know how to "speak human", but we at UnNews caught up with a man who thinks there might be something more to it.
Joe Botham, the designer for website www.findmybombedoutshithole.org, which locates redundant warehouses in Hertfordshire and provides information on the number of car tyres stored inside them, is currently self-employed on a zero-hours contract, which he calls "exploitative and abusive".
He says of his arrangement: "I have to wake up at 5am every morning and walk twelve miles to a small conservatory in the middle of a public park and when I get there I don't even know if I'm gonna let myself work. Sometimes I have to sit outside for hours at a time in Subway waiting for an opportunity to do my job.
"I haven't been able to increase my salary in five years due to government budget cuts, and I haven't been able to advance my business because of extortionate red-tape and income tax.
"On top of all that I'm 97 years old and really think the retirement age needs to be lowered so that I don't have to be abused by care workers while I work. The fact that I can't work from the laptop in my flat rather than my conservatory is something I really feel our current government needs to address, especially since it's Apple and the one at work is a fucking Chromebook."
He hasn't registered to vote and claims to be disillusioned by all of the 627 new parties set up in his constituency, none of which strive to represent people in his situation which he believes many people in this country are facing, and so he is standing as independent. "Please vote for me, otherwise it'll just be my daughter doing it. Come on people, I'll even get rid of all the Pakis!" reads his manifesto mantra.