UnNews:Polish President announces week of national mourning

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[[Image:Bill-Cosby.jpg|thumb|It's time for Roman Dog Bird to give me a quickie!]]
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{{news|4 March 2011}}
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{{date|4 March 2011}}
   
'''Did you know that...'''
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[[Image:Supermalysz.jpg|thumb|Małysz's power-up is running low so the Polish Eagle decided to end his career.]]
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'''[[War|WAR]][[Saw|SAW]], [[Poland|PФLДИD]]''' -- This will be a sad week for all Poles. Their superhero - ski jumper '''[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adam_Malysz Adam Małysz]''' - has officially announced he is going to end his long and successful career after this season. This shocking news spread quickly and worried all Poles because Adam Małysz was actually one of the few people Poles can be proud of.
   
...the popular game [[Gay|SimIsle]] is John Stamos approved?
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[Here the author set out the career success of Adam Małysz. However, as our readership has no freaking idea what [[ski jumping]] is, this was cut. --Ed.]
   
...when [[Nigger|Xzibit]] pimps your ride, you must give him a 10 pound box of Snickers bars, otherwise he will blow your motherfucking brains out with his .45, or as he likes to call it, his "Neener"?
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When Polish President [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bronis%C5%82aw_Komorowski Bronisław Komorowski] heard this news, he called a press conference and announced, with a suspicious grin on his face, a week of national mourning. ''Long time no disasters'' - he said - ''But '''finally something awful happened''' and I can use my favorite prerogative - I can announce a week of national mourning!''
   
...in the State of [[Redneck|Maryland]], it's required by Law to watch all Tenchi Muyo! episodes by age 14?
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That actually irritated Poles, even though they are already accustomed to national mournings. Happily, Polish Prime Minister [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donald_Tusk Donald Tusk] told the press he will probably not countersign the proclamation. ''Good God. Does Bronek know that announcing of national mourning is not a prerogative but a regulation that needs my countersign!? He could have called me before doing such an irresponsible thing! '''Who the hell does he think he is? A President!?''''' - said angry Tusk.
   
...[[God|Lying is the Most Fun a Girl can have Without taking Her Clothes off?]]
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But political scientists say that Tusk will countersign the proclamation after all just to prove that everything between him and Komorowski is fine. One way or another, Poles are fed up with recent years' national mournings...
   
...[[Bill Cosby]] invented the [[Jesus|Shrink Ray]] in [[Detroit]] in 1974?
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== Sources ==
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* [http://www.skijumping.pl/wiadomosci/13134/Adam-MalyszTo-byla-bardzo-trudna-decyzja/ Adam Małysz: "That was a difficult decision"]
   
...[[Lesbian|Britney Spears]] does NOT appear in this movie?
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...when scientists tried to attach Shaq's Penis to Verne Troyer's body, they couldn't perform the operation all the way because the Domino's Guy came to the house, and he brought (oddly enough) the drummer from KoЯn?
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[[Category:Politics]]
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[[Category:Sports]]
...pieing someone in the face with an apple pie is a lot more kickass then doing it with a whipped cream pie?
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[[Category:Poland]]
 
...I only care about my opinions, and that I don't give a flying Fuck about YOURS?
 

Latest revision as of 03:57, March 7, 2011

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4 March 2011

Supermalysz

Małysz's power-up is running low so the Polish Eagle decided to end his career.

WARSAW, PФLДИD -- This will be a sad week for all Poles. Their superhero - ski jumper Adam Małysz - has officially announced he is going to end his long and successful career after this season. This shocking news spread quickly and worried all Poles because Adam Małysz was actually one of the few people Poles can be proud of.

[Here the author set out the career success of Adam Małysz. However, as our readership has no freaking idea what ski jumping is, this was cut. --Ed.]

When Polish President Bronisław Komorowski heard this news, he called a press conference and announced, with a suspicious grin on his face, a week of national mourning. Long time no disasters - he said - But finally something awful happened and I can use my favorite prerogative - I can announce a week of national mourning!

That actually irritated Poles, even though they are already accustomed to national mournings. Happily, Polish Prime Minister Donald Tusk told the press he will probably not countersign the proclamation. Good God. Does Bronek know that announcing of national mourning is not a prerogative but a regulation that needs my countersign!? He could have called me before doing such an irresponsible thing! Who the hell does he think he is? A President!? - said angry Tusk.

But political scientists say that Tusk will countersign the proclamation after all just to prove that everything between him and Komorowski is fine. One way or another, Poles are fed up with recent years' national mournings...

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