UnNews:Police unsure how to deal with new breed of "Out to be caught" flashers

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
This article is part of UnNews UnNews Logo Potato1 We distort, you deride

13 April 2007

LONDON, ENGLAND - Police are scratching their heads this weekend after discovering catchmeflashing.com - a website run and maintained by a new breed of hardcore flashers and public exhibitionists.

Possibly the most alarming aspect of this new criminal fad is the fact that not only are they regular flashers that pose the usual threats to the public, but they also enjoy being caught and convicted and the subsequent media coverage that follows such arrests, as it appears from the website's tagline; "We're attention seekers - that like to perform sexual acts - in public - and get caught!" not the most catchy of credo's but certainly worrying.

The police are desperately finding a way to shut the site down, as Detective Inspector Tom Greenson explains: "We are very worried about this new trend followed by a small, but dedicated hardcore of flashers, what's more alarming still is that with the advent of CCTV on many of the flasher's traditional locations, such as buses and underground stations, this particular bunch are capitalizing on that fact, and it adds to what appears to be their fantasy of what can only be described as a 'convicted flasher' " DI Greenson adds that "tracking down and apprehending these criminals is exactly what they want, and only serves to encourage them, so we are unsure what to do from here".

Are you a new bread of flasher? Recent medical surveys indicate that many people who consider themselves perfectly normal, can find themselves on some "rung of the sexual impulse disease ladder" without even knowing it, have a look at the basic levels below from a well known health website;

Flasher1

cathmeflashing.com User "LOLtrustmeimaPRIEST" playing up for a train's CCTV network that was subsequently released the press.

  • Mild: The person has recurrent fantasies of exposing himself, but has rarely or never acted on them, or may have acted on them, but only with inanimate objects, like dolls, blind people, stuffed toys, vegetables, homeless people or maybe even animals.
  • Moderate: The person has occasionally exposed himself (three targets or fewer) and has difficulty controlling urges to do so.
  • Severe: The person has exposed himself to more than three people and has serious problems with controlling his urges, especially come the summer when most of the opposite sex is clearly asking for it.
  • Elite: You can consider yourself an elite exhibitionist now if you are reading this article in a state of naked arousal in a public place, e.g. Internet cafe, library, inner city bus, supermarket or pet crematorium.

Whilst conducting the investigation into this new problem, an off duty police officer offered his ideas for these criminals "Next time one comes in i'll pop a truncheon up where the sun don't shine, handle end first" later adding "although that is probably not a good idea, after reading what a user calling himself "pulloutmyplugonabus76" posted on the catchmeflashing.com website, he certainly isn't an electrician, if you know what I mean"


edit Sources


Personal tools
projects