UnNews:Plumber enters terror war
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Plumber enters terror war
Truth doesn't "live here" — It's just camping out
Wednesday, August 16, 2017, 15:39:UTC)(
17 December 2014
Mark Oberholtzer of suspiciously named Texas City, Texas has gone to the front with a pick-up truck, cleverly refitted to hold an anti-aircraft gun rather than the usual ladders, PVC pipes, and perhaps a plunger. Oberholtzer's truck is in the service of the radical Paula al-Deen Front on the front lines of Syria.
The truck has the logo of Mr. Oberholtzer's suspiciously named business, Mark-1 Plumbing, and the phone number of his 24-hour on-call service to break blockades and other obstructions of supply lines.
Photos of the weapon of war were posted on Twitter. A London newspaper expressed doubt that photographs are authentic, publishing photos of other vehicles of the same color shooting at the same thing from the same small hill. But an expert on information processing, working for Sony Pictures, said that the enemies of the West have no advanced technical capabilities and probably are not even aware that photographs can be "shooped."
Besides, Mr. Oberholtzer has a long history of clandestine activities. Like most Texans, he would be a fan of anti-Obama commentator G. Gordon Liddy's talk radio broadcast, and probably wishes he had served in Mr. Liddy's notorious "plumbers" squad under disgraced President Richard Nixon.
Mr. Oberholtzer has gotten hundreds of phone calls and faxes since the photo surfaced, according to the suspiciously named Galveston County Daily News. It cannot be mere coincidence that these coincide with the formation by Jeb Bush of an exploratory committee to seek the 2016 Republican presidential nomination. These queries surely are seeking more than a glimpse of a plumber's butt-crack, as Rush Limbaugh has stated that Mr. Bush's first task must be to "kill" the Tea Party movement. That movement does not even have a mailing list of its members, much less any ordnance capable of surviving a truck-mounted rocket launcher.
Mr. Oberholtzer's only demand to date is that the third The Hobbit movie, scheduled to open this week, be pulled from the cinema. However, although Hollywood has withdrawn its recent effort to extend the Hogan's Heroes franchise to the pratfalls of North Korea's Kim regime, this was an affront, up with which it would not put.
The Department of Homeland Security, for its part, stated that it has no credible intelligence.
- Mailonline Reporter "Did a plumber's pick-up truck from Texas end up carrying an anti-aircraft gun for Islamic fighters on the front lines of Syria?". The Daily Mail, December 16, 2014