UnNews:Plans to stage Premiership football matches on Moon and Mars "non-starter"
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Plans to stage Premiership football matches on Moon and Mars "non-starter"
Straight talk, from straight faces
Friday, September 4, 2015, 15:12:UTC)(
12 February 2008
THE ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE'S much vaunted plan to stage competitive matches on the Moon and Mars in the 2011/12 season was today dealt a hammer blow after the respective football associations expressed their "in principle" opposition to the initiative. The Moon Football Association (MFA) are highly unlikely to approve the project and Mars, the only other viable territory for the games, have also come out against the flawed proposals.
Official resistance from the MFA, as ruling body of Moon football, would kill the plan at birth. And Mars's own opposition to staging 10 games on the extra-terrestial planetoids would leave the Premier League with nowhere to go.
Unnews reported yesterday that outright hostility from Venus also blocked off that particular avenue to the money-grabbing pigs of the Premiership and so it was hoped that Mars and Moon would be open to the controversial proposals. Unfortunately the respective football associations have "expressed outright hostility".
Mars FA spokesman Gary Smithsonham expressed his own opposition to the proposals, "We are very reluctant to have official English Premier games played on Mars. We have our own league and would not want that program undermined by a bloody money-grabbing circus."
Smithsonham added: "Their was a similar proposal 10 years ago when a Spanish team wanted to play a fixture on one of the moons of Saturn. We didn't let that happen and SFA (the Saturn Football Association) said no."
Moon scientist Professor Dirk Shit expressed his own misgivings on the hair brained scheme, "with the increased gravity prevalent on most areas of the moon the players would most likely be crushed the minute they stepped onto the pitch!"
"thats not to mention all that bloody cheese!"