UnNews:Plane explodes in Boston
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Plane explodes in Boston
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, September 26, 2016, 01:57:UTC)(
16 August 2006
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BOSTON, Massachusetts -- United airlines flight 2523523434 exploded on the runway today as passengers reboarded to continue their grounded flight to Dulles International Airport in Washington, D.C. The airplane was first grounded as Pilot Sissy McVagina frantically urged for an emergency landing as a woman was being disruptive. The woman was allededly carrying vaseline, a box of matches and a note, which crytographers have deciphered as a reference to the terrorist group al-Queda. Although the items in which she was accused of carrying did not exist, the woman claimed to be claustrophobic as she undressed herself and mounted another passenger.
"I couldn't believe my eyes. She was riding him like a bull, screaming orgasmically. I thought we were dead for sure," another passenger said. "Before we all knew it, everyone was naked."
In their descent the woman was apparently beaten with a coffee pot, as the crew followed procedure in subduing the woman, at which point Pilot McVagina then mounted and inseminated her. President George Bush commented on the situation while scuba diving in coastal Australia, "HAHA, that reminds me of when I was doing lines off that stripper's ass. You remember that Dick? She sure was flexible" The White House press secretary offered no further comments.
After landing, the investigation soon revealed no sign of terrorism, nor any of the alleged tools she had brought aboard. As passengers were reboarding, however, a ray of light reflecting off the windshield of the aircraft ignited the woman's bukkaked body, turning her into a bipedal flameball. She soon ran into the plane, cuasing the massive explosion, killing all passengers aboard.