UnNews:Photographer Jailed for Photo
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Photographer Jailed for Photo
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, July 8, 2015, 03:08:UTC)(
10 September 2008
SCOTTSDALE, AZ. In what's being called 'a gargantuan display of poor judgement', an Arizona man has been arrested for taking a photograph. "I have a right to freedom of the press!" stated David Ratner, 40, of Cave Creek, AZ. "It is well within my rights to take and publish any photo I wish! This is unconstitutional!" Others felt differently though, and someone called the cops.
"Listen, I'm a reasonable guy." said Firefighter Al Lemont. "But this guy had it coming. You can't just go around taking photographs like the one he's taken. Where does it end? They'll be some other nut out there who'll do the same thing, and then where will we be?" "I'll tell you where we'll be." said his Captain, Chuck Donahue. "Nauseaus and vomiting in the bathroom. 911 calls will skyrocket. We're talking M.U.E's (Major Upchucking Events') up the ying-yang. We don't have the manpower for that."
The high school wrestling team has already had 6 of their athletes admitted to Scottsdale Memorial when one of their peers thought it would be funny to show them the photograph in question. Currently they are on around the clock watch by a team of Physicians and Nurses. Most are expected to survive though not without years of therapy, but "Their sex life is over." stated Dr. John Lombardo, M.D. "They were so scared that their penis's actually did a quick 'about face' and hid up their poopers. Once that happens, you never get an erection ever, ever again."
UnNews wishes their families the best through this difficult time.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|