UnNews:Phil Spector's Murder Trial Delayed For Haircut
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Phil Spector's Murder Trial Delayed For Haircut
Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard
Saturday, May 23, 2015, 15:24 (UTC)
26 April 2006
(Los Angeles, CA) The murder trial of music producer Phil Spector was postponed earlier today as the defendant's court-ordered haircut was taking much longer than expected. Spector is on trial for allegedly killing "Barbarian Queen" actress Lana Clarkson. Prosecutors say the motive was Clarkson's criticism of the eccentric producer's hair.
Last month, the judge ordered prison officials to cut Spector's massive afro because it was distracting the jury and using too much of the taxpayers' dollars to maintain. The musician was reportedly very uncooperative during the procedure. His love for the hair is a well-known fact - he had produced many songs about it; among them the hit "Be My Baby." After it turned gray, the best-selling single "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling" stayed on the Billboard charts for well over a year.
The haircut revealed new evidence for the case, as police announced today that the alleged murder weapon was hidden deep in the thick follicles. Spector claims it was planted there by "the real killer." He says that on the night of the murder he had actually forgotten his gun at a restaurant and went back to retrieve it. "And when I got back home, Lana Clarkson and Ron Goldman were already dead. Did I say Ron Goldman? Sorry, that's the guy O.J. Simpson killed. I mean, didn't kill," added Spector. Acquitted Beretta star Robert Blake corroborated his story.
State officials are now faced with the problem of permanently disposing of Spector's hair. Currently it sits at a Los Angeles prison, but the facility isn't equipped for long-term storage. The Governator hopes to have it shipped to Nevada's Yucca mountain nuclear waste storage site, but that state's politicians are adamantly opposed. An alternate idea calls for the remnants to be held at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, of which Spector is a member.
Spector is perhaps best known for creating rock's "wall of sound", but prosecutors were unable to come up with a good quotable pun on the phrase, saying only that if Phil gets convicted he will be "In a wall of... uh... trouble. Yeah, he'll be in a whole lot of trouble. Hairy trouble! That's good, right? Because of - you know - his hair." Reporters at the courthouse press conference failed to laugh.
He is also in court for the murder of The Beatles album 'Let It Be'.