UnNews:Phelps found to be hax0ring the Olympics
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Phelps found to be hax0ring the Olympics
Democracy Dies with Dignity
Thursday, March 22, 2018, 20:17:UTC)(
17 August 2008
BEIJING: Legendary American swimmer Michael Phelps, after winning his 1,000,000th gold medal, was accused of hacking the Olympics by longtime record holder Mark Spitz. Spitz submitted a report to the admins stating "he bra3k mai r3kurd plz hlp." In a news conference earlier today, Phelps's lawyer said that Phelps was innocent of all charges and Spitz was just being a whiney noob who needed to STFU. This led to a flame war which killed 23 people outside that gay bar down by the airport. Phelps was tried on 32 charges, including godmoding, macroing, shooting through boxes, unlimited health and access to all weapons. Just before he was about to be sentenced to death by kittens, he was acquitted because Chuck Norris came and killed the judge with a well-placed roundhouse kick, but Chuck ended up kicking himself as well and was then killed by Bruce Lee. When Phelps was asked about the events that transpired, he had only this to say: "me iz gud swimzor lOloLolOLOL!!1!1!one!1!1!!!111!1!!!!1!12" The crowd went wild. That is, until they were eaten by panda bears. Not much to cheer about when your face is being ripped apart by an endangered species.