UnNews:Perry to try to remember Energy
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Perry to try to remember Energy
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, August 17, 2017, 21:59:UTC)(
14 December 2016
Mr. Trump has selected heads for each Cabinet agency who have either sued it or advocated that it go away entirely. Mr. Perry is famous for proposing, during the 2012 Republican Primary, that his new employer cease to exist. However, he is even more famous for failing to remember its name.
Incoming Chief-of-Staff Reince Priebus [sic] said, "Mr. Trump wants to make America great again by making government agencies ineffective. What better way than to appoint a Secretary of Energy who will not remember where his new office is?"
Mr. Perry's nomination follows that of oil man Rex Tillerson as Secretary of State. Mr. Trump's grand strategy seems to be a petroleum-run Executive Branch. This would let him oil up agency after agency, so that each could be slid into the Potomac River.
The Energy Department was created 40 years ago to reduce America's reliance on oil from Arabia. Recently, it has failed to realize that fracking revolutionized the business almost as completely as the new boss has failed to recall the agency's name. Mr. Perry will shift the department's emphasis away from problematic "sustainable" energy sources back to dependably greasy and sooty ones. In place of the doubling of the Fuel Economy standards, which were to lead to an inspiring generation of cardboard cars, Mr. Perry will insist that no car get more than ten miles per gallon. That is, unless he sets up shop in the Department of Agriculture by mistake.
- Juliet Eilperin and Steven Mufson "Perry to head Energy Department he once vowed to abolish". Washington Post, December 14, 2016