UnNews:PepsiCo Announces Pepsi Throwback Throwback for 2012
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
PepsiCo Announces Pepsi Throwback Throwback for 2012
We distort, you deride
Monday, September 26, 2016, 07:40:UTC)(
30 January 2012
PURCHASE, New York -- Following on the success of Pepsi Throwback in the summers of 2009, 2010 and 2011, PepsiCo officials have announced that they will be introducing Pepsi Throwback Throwback for the summer of 2012.
"The Throwback line has been a real success for us," said PepsiCo CEO Indra Nooyi. "Nostalgia was such a big seller we thought, what about nostalgia for nostalgia?"
Pepsi Throwback and its sister product Mountain Dew Throwback are both sold in retro packaging and use sugar instead of the high-fructose corn syrup that has replaced it in most soft drinks. Pepsi Throwback Throwback and Mountain Dew Throwback Throwback will be similarly marketed to remind people of the bygone days of 2009.
"Those were rough times for Americans," said Brian Fitzgerald, the man in charge of the marketing campaign for Pepsi Throwback Throwback. "But we got through them, and I think we're all proud for what we did."
In a minute-long commercial screened for reporters, 2009 Pepsi Throwback is touted as a subject of comfort in the Great Recession. The spot opens on a pair of teenagers, a girl and a boy, walking down a hot, dusty sidewalk.
"Remember 2009?" Narrator Sam Elliot asks. "That was a lean year. No jobs. Companies going bankrupt left and right. Why, even the movies couldn't keep us happy." At this point the young couple glumly slink into a theater showing Land of the Lost, only to walk back out a moment later, looking even sadder. "What kept us going? Pepsi Throwback, that's what."
The young couple then enter a corner shop. A newspaper rack outside shows headlines announcing the deaths of Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, Ed McNair, Billy Mays, Walter Cronkite and David Carradine. There, they purchase a can of Pepsi Throwback, paying for it in coins, including many of the old Lincoln memorial-back pennies.
"Pepsi Throwback was there for a generation," Elliot continues. "And now it's there for that same generation again, because they liked it a lot the first time."
Noting the success of its rival, Coca-Cola has countered with the introduction of Tab Classic, a variation on Tab, a diet cola product introduced in the 1960s and most popular in the 1980s. Tab Classic will come in pull-tab cans and will be sweetened with sodium cyclamate, which was removed from the original Tab formula in 1969 as a suspected carcinogen.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|