UnNews:Penguins attack Bond at US cinemas
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Penguins attack Bond at US cinemas
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, July 27, 2016, 19:23:UTC)(
20 November 2006
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007, who travelled 3000 miles to see a screening of his new movie in America, was beaten savagely by animated penguins outside the US box office. The motive for the attack has yet to be discovered, but it probably has something to do with the fact that both the Penguins, and Bond are movie rivals.
Mr. Bond was taken to the local hospital, and is currently resting in Intensive care. He is rumoured to be abusing his misfortune however, and is womanising two nurses.
The Penguins in question, have had warnings from the Box Office in the past, telling them not to eliminate competition for the best selling film of the year. A new warning from the Box Office is suspected to be issued very soon.
"They have done this before," said the spokesperson for the US Box Office "I think we might need to impose a ban on them directing any more movies."
The Penguins were caught on security cameras around the area, and the footage is likely to be used for evidence in the charges, if Bond decides to take the case to court. He is suspected to sue the penguins for the losses he had in the Box office.
The arctic creatures have declined to comment on the allegations.
After the Penguins removed James Bond from turning up at his own movie, their movie titled "Happy Slapping" made an extra £1.7 million.