UnNews:Pence misses historic finish
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Pence misses historic finish
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, February 23, 2017, 18:40:UTC)(
6 February 2017
The politician from Indiana was seen in the owner's box with two other important people at the start of Super Bowl LI (Super Bowl £42). However, after a scoreless first quarter, and a second quarter that saw the Atlanta Falcons drub the New England Patriots, 28-3, Pence was one of thousands of fans who, despite paying thousands of dollars per ticket, decided that the better part of valor would be to "beat the traffic" to a favorite watering hole or their motel room out on the strip.
Pence represented the Administration at the event, as he had in the recent Pro-Life Rally at the Washington Monument, Donald Trump in both cases staying in the White House and tweeting, "Great job, everyone! I so want you to succeed!"
The expressway was not the only potential obstacle to a smooth ride in Pence's mind. "I saw that several players were wearing Pussy Hats beneath their helmets," he told UnNews, "and I expected that one or more of them would give me another scolding from the post-game gazebo not to be a racist bigot homophobe Islamophobe." In fact, they were not Pussy Hats but Doo-Rags, but one can hardly blame the Vice President, who got hectored by a Broadway cast last year.
George H.W. Bush, who administered the initial coin toss, was another luminary who ditched the game after the uncompetitive first half, daring his wife Barbara that his wheelchair could beat her pansy-assed golf cart. Consequently, the former First Couple was likewise unable to see Lady Gaga praise the trans-gendered for a television audience of 100 million he-man Americans.
Moreover, none of these dignitaries got to see New England close the deficit in the second half and force the first overtime period in Super Bowl history, winning the game 34-28. Closing deficits is another thing Trump has addressed mainly by tweeting furiously.
- Chloe Melas "Lady Gaga brings message of inclusion to Super Bowl halftime". CNN, February 6, 2017
- Shawn Rice "Mike Pence Sat Through Lady Gaga’s Super Bowl Halftime Show And Social Media Took Notice". Business 2 Community, February 5, 2017