UnNews:Pedophile Defends Walt Disney
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
23 December 2011
Laytonville Arizona, USA --
A public forum to talk about bridge repairs was being held today. Local businesses and other residents were allowed to take the microphone to talk about their concerns. For roughly nine and a half minutes, a man simply identified as "Not Steve" professed that Walt Disney was not a pedophile.
No one had been talking about Walt Disney, Pedophilia or the two items together. However, it seemed this man wanted it all on record. "This is on record?" He asked, starting out, with many people in the crowd preparing to face palm.
Going on to say "No one would make a theme park where parents are suppose to bring kids. That's not a pedophile's thinking. If I, *long pause* were hypothetically a pedophile, *long pause* and I wanted to make a theme park, parents would drop their kids off and leave. Then you get the kids alone, and you know, whatever. Also, there would be way more water rides where kids get wet. Like on the haunted mansion, at the end, kids would just be soaked in water. I'd have a drying off station, where kids and me, or well, hypothetically me and other pedophiles dry them off."
During most of his speech he had to shout into the microphone to be heard over the large amount of booing going on behind him. People yelling "Get off the mic, Steve!" And for the man to yell back "I'm not Steve!"
Kathy Greene, a local mother, concerned about construction hazards from the bridges being built was attending the open forum. Kathy had this to say on the incident "Oh, I missed it, I was in the bathroom."
The man went on for a good while, describing other hypothetical things he would do, and how Walt Disney was not a pedophile for missing all these obvious chances.
The man eventually concluded his rant saying "Copper highlights on a bridge would be nice, it ages well."