UnNews:Peake cake walk scrubbed
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Peake cake walk scrubbed
We distort, you deride
Thursday, August 24, 2017, 05:25:UTC)(
16 January 2016
INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION, Low earth orbit -- Hapless British astronaut Tim Peake's first-ever-for-Britain cake walk was scrubbed due to a "moisture issue."
The "token Brit" aboard the International Space Station became a cause celebre following an UnNews dispatch that he was given an especially token role in the crew's recent extra-vehicular activity, involving brewing the workers tea and unlatching the main hatch so they could re-enter.
NASA announced that Peake would be allowed to participate in a cake walk. The scratchy radio transmission seemed to say that the maneuver would discover, among other things, how layer cakes work in zero-gravity and how lemon meringue sets up in a vacuum. Peake was assured that his maiden cake walk would "be a cake walk."
Unfortunately, the entire promenade was "scrubbed," which is NASA lingo for It's not going to happen, when fellow astronaut and real American Tim Kopra reported water inside his space suit.
Although the astronauts had rehearsed the operation "in swimming pools around Europe," not unlike Congressmen on fact-finding missions, the discovery of water was terrifying. Though about the size of a teardrop, the walk was off, as astronauts cannot open their visors to wipe their brows, and could conceivably drown if swallowing the water didn't work. Excess water would violate multiple recipes and make the cakes soupy. After tidying up the workplace and taking a few selfies, the astronauts returned to the capsule. NASA gave assurances that there never was any danger, and disclosed the astronauts' Twitter feeds so that the public could check up on them personally.