UnNews:Paula Deen Accused of Self-cannibalism

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24 June 2013

Pauladeen

Paula about to sample her new Buttery Breast Biscuit

Albany, Georgia -- Cooking guru and over all hedonist is under some hefty accusations. Paula Deen is facing allegations that she has not only been cooking parts of her own body, she has been consuming them. She's known for creating unhealthy meals that pack lots of flavor. While no doctors have confirmed it, it's assumed her body is loaded with saturated fat and cholesterol. It's possible Ms. Deen planned this all along, to fatten herself up and make herself a delicious dish. Nothing is more loaded with butter than Deen herself.

The line of where cannibalism begins can be vague. As Deen is so full of butter it's difficult to say if she is consuming human parts. That instead they should simply be considered human shaped fermented cream. It's clear she has no interest in subscribing to social norms and avoiding things that may be considered taboo. Deen has always marched to the beat of her own greasy drum. Many of the cast and crew of her Food Network show have been coming forward saying as much. One crew member, who wished to remain anonymous said "I don't think this woman watches what comes out of or goes into her mouth at all"


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