Paul the Octopus retires from retiring
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, May 24, 2015, 17:45 (UTC)
20 August 2010
OBERHAUSEN, Germany -- Paul the Octopus has announced his comeback from retirement and will now sing at the Madison Square Garden in New York, in an aquatic musical tribute to Frank Sinatra in September 2010.
The versatile eight armed star of the recent World Cup in South Africa had been expected to sit in his tank or make television programmes for desperate schedulers but now Paul is ready to go on tour. The cephalopodic celebrity is confident that he can do more than just pick out juicy mussels but decided to do a 'quick warm up' by predicting England will host the 2018 World Cup. Speaking via a piece of software developed by Skype (Speak Squid and Octopoda in Eight Easy Lessons), Paul said he was ready to meet his fans instead of them all having to come to Germany. Paul said:-
I owe it to my fans to go out there. For the last month I have been sitting on the bottom of my aquarium getting an electric recharge from my friends the eels next door. Now I am ready to go out there and go on stage. If Frank Sinatra can make comebacks - so can I.
Paul said he chose Frank Sinatra as his role model after learning the singer was always surprising everyone by retiring after every concert. He said as an octopus, he was duty bound to do the same career path - though Paul didn't elaborate on that particular point.
Accompanying Paul will be the world famous First National Vuvuzela Orchestra of South Africa. Fans of Paul and 'Ol Blue Eyes' have bought tickets and ear plugs to take part in this unique musical event. So far Paul and his orchestra haven't confirmed what they will play on that night but have said the evening will be full of 'cod musical references'. However UnNews has obtained this exclusive song list:-
- My Stingray
- Songs for Swinging Dolphins
- What is this thing called paella?
- I Only Have Oyster Eyes for You
- Three Herrings in the fountain
- Thanks for the Mussels
The event will also feature Mike Tyson, Evander Holyfield and Muhammed Ali as the warm up acts and Madonna has promised to go on stage and mime. Fans say this will be the greatest music event since the Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus mud wrestled together on the David Letterman show.
- Staff "Paul the Octopus predicts England to host 2018 Football World Cup". Daily Telegraph, 08 20, 2010