UnNews:Pat Robertson applauded by Feminists

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30 May 2006

Robertson Strains To Fart For Jesus

Pat Robertson strains to poop for Jesus. Wow, look at all that Holy Spirit energy!

In a salute to Pat Robertson's complete inability to understand human beings, the International Consortium of Sane Women awarded Pat Robertson the "Golden Spoutless Douche Bag", a prestigious accolade reflecting the utter uselessness of the recipient's existence. The opinions of these women are of no consequence to the Pastor, since they are all "Communist Lesbian husband-killers anyway".

In a gala bash, the big names in the Feminist world came out to laud Robertson, "celebrated supporter of a modern Inquisition", as Martha Stewart calls him. At the podium, accepting the award for an overwrought Pat Robertson, was the artist formerly known, and again is, Prince. The excitable cross-dresser declared, "Pat, my good friend, Pat... He was so anxious, his spincter seized up again. He's in the men's room now, straining for God and country. He thanks you, ladies, with all of his good Jesus love." Prince promptly passed out from an excess of Tequila shots.

The two quotes, out af an astonishingly large collection, which won the day for Robertson are:


“The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become lesbians”
~ Pat Robertson on women, in a fund-raising letter, 1992


“I know this is painful for the ladies to hear, but if you get married, you have accepted the headship of a man, your husband. Christ is the head of the household and the husband is the head of the wife, and that's the way it is, period.”
~ Pat Robertson on women, again, The 700 Club, 1/8/92

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