UnNews:Pastor Goes to Correct Morality in the Northeast

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Pastor Goes to Correct Morality in the Northeast

Straight talk, from straight faces

UnNews Logo Potato
Friday, March 23, 2018, 13:47:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

16 June 2006

Fred Phelps

Phelps as he prepares for his quest to the Northeast. (APISA)

Pastor Goes to Correct Morality in the Northeast

Hartford, CT (APISA)- Westboro Baptist Church leader Fred Phelps has been notorious for his protest of soldiers' funerals and for his attacks on homosexuals in the United States. The latter protest has now brought him into conflict with a university in the northeast.

Recently, Mr. Phelps (the author of godhatesfags.com) wrote an angry-toned letter to the University of Connecticut in Hartford, Connecticut. In his letter, Mr. Phelps attacked the administration, Athletic Director Jeffrey Hathaway, and men's basketball coach Jim Calhoun for contributing to the "degredation of Christian morality" by having a "gay" player on the men's basketball team.

"Rudy Gay," Mr. Phelps writes, "has the name of a sinner, and, therefore, must be some gay [explitive] who seeks to recreate Sodom on earth. He and his name are an abomonation that should be eradicated from God's earth, just like this [explitive]-loving country."

Gay, considered one of the top players in the nation in NCAA Division I basketball, recently announced his intentions to enter the 2006 NBA draft. Phelps has stated publicly that if he is drafted into the NBA, then Commissioner David Stern will be facing "hell on earth."

"He would be allowing a gay man to play basketball to make a living," Mr. Phelps said in an interview. "That just makes me sick." When the reporter conducting the interview attempted to state that he didn't believe Gay to be a homosexual, Phelps started yelling incomprehensible words towards the reporter, doused him in Holy Water, and proceeded to go on a rant against the interviewer, stating that he was "sent by the devil to control my mind, you [explitive]-loving [explitive] [explitive] [explitive] [explitive], and that goes for your dog as well, the [explitive]. Go back to hell where you belong, [explitive] your horses like the President of the United States does!" He then proceeded to throw the interviewer out of his home, yell a few more explitives towards him, and then proceeded to return to saluting a picture of Adolf Hitler hanging over his fireplace.

Gay, Calhoun, and Hathaway were all unavailable for comment, as they were too busy laughing upon hearing the news.

Mr. Phelps has stated publicly that this assault doesn't end with Rudy Gay, stating that all the sinners in entertainment must pay for ruining morality.

"People like Marcia Gay Hardin, Peter Gay, and Maria Gay shall pay for not adhering to the word of Jesus Christ!"

He has also suggested desicrating the graves of Marvin Gaye and John Gay, as well as starting a bonfire with the Enola Gay, the airplane used to drop the atomic bombs on Japan in August 1945.

No other church member was available for comment as they were all busy with a family reunion.

edit Sources

Personal tools