UnNews:Parliamentary Rent Boy Committee "comes out"
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.
Matt Lucas, founder of the now defunct campaigning group Men 4 Men has been appointed to head up the newly "come-out" Parliamentary All-Partying Rent Boy Selection Committee, an informal group of MPs and peers who operate in the lobby at the Palace of Westminster. The Committee will also be merged with the management committee of the discredited Chav Support Agency, the CSA. The controversial decision, taken by the Civil Service Government Power Usurpation Group, does not have the support of the increasingly marginalised Prime Minister Tony Blair, who said, "It is not proper."
Making the case for the operations of the Rent Boy Committee to be made public, Mr Lucas made the following statement, "We've seen the unfortunate events surrounding the resignation of a leading Christian Democrat MP because of his promotion of the use of drugs during sex with rent boys. The committee completely abhors the use of any type of dangerous drugs except where it is safe, and wishes to make its position clear. We've been under a lot of pressure since the reduction of the age of homosexual consent to 16 to increase the availability of rent boys for MPs in need of comfort and peers who became addicted to gay sex whilst at private fee-paying schools. It was, in large part, the lobbying of our committee in the lobby that has influenced many 16-year olds to become rent boys. Before that, the 150 or so 'nobs' who regularly use our services, were technically breaking the law. Now they are acting legally, so there is nothing to hide."
Speaking on the merger of the Rent Boy Committee and the CSA, the Education Secretary, Ruth Kelly, herself half-educated at Westminster School, said, "The Rent Boy Committee, which takes 17.5% of all fees, performs a valuable service to ensure that only the most worthy rent boys are selected for the use of our leading politicians. The revenues raised by their actions will easily offset the deficits of the CSA. By having "come out" the Rent Boy Committee can now widen its operations to include the Scottish and Welsh Assemblies and eventually provide its services to local councillors as well."
Madge Hodge Podge, the firebrand radical Minister for Feminism, which has hitherto been running the CSA, gave a muted response, as she is due to move to the Ministry of Punishment for Men. She said, "Matt O'Connor and I are old sparring partners, from the days when Men 4 Men was the only lobbying group opposing feminism. Now they've merged with that other lobbying group, I wish him luck. I also welcome the move that rent boys should be accorded the same rights as any other type of sexual worker. Many gorgeous young men come to the Palace of Westminster looking for role models, and they obviously find them in the parliamentary lobby. I shall be forming a lesbian wing next door to the Henry VII Chapel, and look forward to lots of heavenly times ahead."