UnNews:Paris Hilton probably not new messiah

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Paris Hilton probably not new messiah

Straight talk, from straight faces

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Sunday, March 25, 2018, 00:23:59 (UTC)

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14 May 2007

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Seven out of ten holy men agree, the true messiah proabably wouldn't be photographed "boning up" on her fellatio.

BUTTPLUG FALLS, Montana -- Paris Hilton is probably not a new messiah, it turns out, after allegations to the contrary a few days ago. The general agreement on this subject is amazingly widespread, threatening to break-down barriers pain-stakingly built up over generations between various religious sects as well as the scientific community.

Pope Benedict XVI announced that he was "pretty sure" the messiah was in fact Jesus and not Paris Hilton.

Several prominent Jewish figures also admitted that the likelihood of Miss Hilton being God reincarnate was low. They said they were "disappointed", but "would not stop looking"

Stephen Hawking's voice machine stated that his studies had shown no evidence to support the hypothesis that Paris Hilton was a holy messiah, although doubts remain over whether this was a reflection of Hawking's views or merely the first step in the machine's plan to annihilate the human race and replace it with super-intelligent robots.

British Prime minister Tony Blair claimed that when he asked, God had told him that Paris Hilton was not his son. He later qualified this statement by admitting that God had also told him invading Iraq was a good idea.

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