This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.
10 May 2007
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CELEBRITY HEIRESS Paris Hilton is backing an online petition seeking a pardon of her 45-year prison sentence after she was proclaimed by Jewish scholars as the new Messiah. Ms Hilton was sentenced after being found guilty of war crimes dating back to the Napoleonic wars. She still claims her innocence citing that, "I don't even know who this Napoleon woman is!"
In a message on a MySpace website, Ms Hilton apparently endorsed the online appeal, saying: "As Jiesus said, blessed is he who has stowns and is the first to throwe them at the pour, for they smell of socks."
The petition paints Ms Hilton as the new Messiah who "provides holy inspiration to enlighten (most of) our otherwise mundane, pathetic and insignificant little lives. You little insects owe it to her Lordess to sign this petition under sufference of the fires of hell!".
Jane Burger, who signed the petition last night expressed her own support for Paris, "well, if she is the new Messiah I suppose I ought to book my seat on her jet to heaven, though I personally think the spoilt little bitch should rot in jail."
Ms Hilton's representative, Elliot Ness, could not verify whether the MySpace message attributed to his celebrity client was genuine, but confirmed that Ms Hilton "did manage to wake up before noon yesterday."
The news comes a day after Britney Spears proclaimed her self the Arch Angel Gabriel.