|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
7 August 2006
In a surprise move, Paris Hilton publicly announced that she will be closing her muffin shop. Having been open for only 7 years, the news came as a shock to the shop's regular customers. When asked to comment, former diner Rick Solomon stated,
- "Her muffins weren't really that good anyways. She should try to get a better clientele. When you let the type of riffraff eat there that she has let eat there you are bound to ruin the muffins."
Paris Hilton said that she will be renovating the muffin shop and will hopefully re-open in a year. In the meantime, she plans on opening a kissing booth near her current location.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|