UnNews:Pamela Anderson Divorces Kid Rock; Marries Boy Band
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Pamela Anderson Divorces Kid Rock; Marries Boy Band
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, December 11, 2016, 04:10:UTC)(
28 November 2006
Tue Nov 28, 5:48 PM ET
By FEUREAU ZOOLANDER, UnNews Writer
LOS ANGELES, CAULIFLOWERNIA- In an unprecedented move, unexpected even by Hollywood insiders and Chuck Norris, the hot blonde Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock is to divorce, The Los Angeles 9th Circuit Superior Court announced today.
Judge Judy presides over the hearing. "They were debating about the 69 position and Pamela wanted to be the 6 while Kid Rock claims that the 6 position is for boys." the supremely honourable judge explains. The argument then escalates when Pamela claims "is not" to which Kid Rock replied "is". And the shell-shocked Pamela, bounce her jubblies with both hands to prepare for battle, and replied "IS NOT" to which Kid Rock replied "IS". "The debate lasts three and a half hour" explains Judge Judy "until Pamela threatens to divorce Kid Rock saying 'then you won't be able to look at these anymore' referring to her mammoth jubblies. I mean, gargantuan mammary gland."
The divorce threat prompted Kid Rock to shot back at the blonde Pamela saying "Girl, you ain't divorcing me! I'm divorcing you" To which Pamela replied. "Nu-uh" To which Kid Rock replied "Nya-uh". The debate continues for another five hours until they each call their lawyers. "I called my lawyer first." The flaming hot blonde Pamela told this UnNews reporter sitting in the front row, during the court's after-party press conference today. To which Kid Rock yelled from across the room "No you didn't". To which Pamela yelled back "Yes I did." To which Kid Rock replied "Did not." The debate goes on and on which causes Mistress Pamela's assets to flare up and bounce around until this UnNews reporter got a grip of himself in the bathroom then leave the press room to look for the nearest lawyers.
They are not hard to find being the only kind of people being able to instill fear with just being there. And the only one who can give the straight answer to this reporter. "Both my clients asked me to file a divorce paper respectively." When asked what's the reason for the divorce, he replied simply "irreconcilable differences". When this reporter asked the lawyer whether it's true that Pamela filed her paper first, the lawyer replied, "that is fully unsubstantiated. I personally filed Kid Rock's paper first, the paperwork was typed by my secretary. He delivered the paper to the court himself for me. SO, I know this as fact because I did it." To which Judge Judy yelled from across the room "Nu-uh, she filed first! GIRL POWER!" The lawyer did not reply but pull out his PDA and noted something. Days later this reporter found that a lawsuit has been filed and turned down against and by Judge Judy.
During a very very personal interview in the carpark after the party, this reporter cornered Pamela Anderson in her Lamborghini Cabriolet and force her to reveal the real reason behind the divorce. To which Pamela, lipstick all over her face, yelled "Get that F*BLEEP*ing light outta my F*BLEEP*king face you sick *BLEEP*ck Can't you see that I'm busy, you mother*BLEEP*er?" A flash of light to the other side of the car revealed that she was in the car with the popular teenage-heartrob Boy Band. He was wearing lipstick. A quick punch at the reporter's groin send the jaw-dropped reporter to the ground. To which he was deafened by a screeching tires of her car speeding away.
The next morning this reporter woke up at the parking lot only to see a tabloid laid by a good samaritan to cover him was peed by some dog. The tabloid says Pamela Anderson Divorces Kid Rock; Marries Boy Band.
Having the news already made public, his writing is now worth not a penny. This reporter then decides to post it to the cheap guys at uncyclopedia's unNews. You cheap lucky bastard. One of these days, you bastard one of us is gonna sue you and shut you down you ungra THIS UNNEWS REPORT ENDS HERE. UNNEWS IS YOUR BEST FRIEND. YOU WILL NEVER SUE UNNEWS. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION. YOU MAY RESUME YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED ACTIVITY.