UnNews:Palin answers charges concerning her $150,000 “makeover”

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3 November 2008

Palin power

Governor Sarah Palin models the “secret weapon” she plans to use to “keep John McCain in line”

CARIBOU, ALASKA -- Recent allegations that the Republican Party “wasted” $150,000 in makeovers for its vice-presidential candidate Governor Sarah Palin were “hurtful” to her and her husband, Alaska’s First Dude, What’s-His-Name.

Alan Colmes, of Fox News’ Sanity and Colmes, who is not known for his pretty boy looks, said, “Who’d have thought it would cost so much to make the governor appear to be sexy.”

The Obama camp said simply, “She looks like a transsexual.”

The “$150,000 may seem like a lot of money,” a John McCain campaign spokesman admitted, “but that includes electrolysis, hormone therapy, breast implants, and a lot of other chemical, therapeutic, behavioral, and surgical procedures. Makeovers aren’t cheap. Just ask Michael Jackson.”

As governor of Alaska, Palin habitually shot and dressed her own clothing, creating “interesting garments” from caribou skins and the hides of other “cute, fuzzy animals” such as polar bears, otters, and baby seals. Typically, she wore snowshoes that she bought at Shoe Flies, a cheap and tawdry store in Juneau, specializing in “road kill footwear.”

The governor’s wardrobe also includes the “phallic woman appendage accessory” shown here, which, the candidate believes “will come in handy in my negotiations with John McCain concerning the direction our country will take during our administration.” She may also use the accessory “to keep the First Dude in line.”

Advised of his wife’s intentions, the governor’s husband said, with the indulgent “wuss smile” that has made him a national celebrity among gay men, “The governor sure knows how to put the ‘man’ in ‘woman.’ Watch out, Barack Obama and Joe Biden.” He added, “she will dominate the White House, just as she has dominated this campaign.”

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