UnNews:Palestinian Prime Minister Anorexic?
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Palestinian Prime Minister Anorexic?
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, July 2, 2015, 04:18:UTC)(
6 October 2006
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"The American regime is leading this siege to make us surrender and to politically exhaust us, but we are telling you – they won’t wring us out and our fortress won’t fall" roared the PM trying to overcome the continuous chanting of his followers.
"Any other government in any other place in the world, if they had to withstand what we are facing – sanctions, murder, arrests, and aggressioon – wougld havear collapsredee after one ahhhhhh...." And with that, PM Haniyeh collapsed to the arms of his bodyguards in front of his dazed listeners.
"At first I thought it was due to his job" commented his personal doctor, Jamal Abu Cholera. "I mean, let's face it, continuous Jihad is a tiresome business. Then I though it might be the Ramadan fasting. But I became suspicious when we tried to feed him when he came to, and he asked if he can have a green salad and a diet coke. I mean, a green salad and a diet coke? You're a proud Arab man for love of Allah! We don't eat this kind of crap!"
"I had my suspicions" admitted Palestinians president, Mahmoud Abbas, "He did look a wee bit skinny these last few months, and always asked me to use an artificial sweetener in his coffee. I used to look at him with my big sad eyes and tell him: Ismail, we are proud Arab men. We don't use this Western crap but to no avail. He kept mumbling something about feeling bloated and saying that it was good for his stomach".
An official statement issued by the Palestinian Minister of information declared the following: "The Palestinian PM is not anorexic but simply put an emphasis on his good looks. Mr. Haniyeh believes that being slim reflects as a having a strong character. Mr. Haniye did not and will not use an artificial sweetener, drank a diet Coke and ate a green salad. Mr. Haniye is an Arab man and Arab men do not indulge in this kind of Western decadency".