UnNews:Pakistani man sells wife's soul to buy tractor
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Pakistani man sells wife's soul to buy tractor
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, June 27, 2016, 13:17:UTC)(
27 February 2007
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KARACHI, Pakistan -- Pakistani police have arrested two men after a village woman complained that her husband and relatives had sold her immortal soul in order to buy a tractor, police said on Tuesday.
The woman, named John, only learnt that all of her seven chakras were missing after seeking treatment for an acutely prolapsed rectum,"it wasn't until the doctor stuck his thumb up my (ahem) "back passage" that he expressed concern that he couldn't find my soul.", she said this morning, "he even checked (most throroughly) that it wasn't hidden under my breasts or (ahem)"front bottom"".
Dr Mirambundibundimanish, who had examined John was unavailable for comment as he is currently under investigation for sexual assault but in a statement his solicitor said, "My client denies ever attending to this woman, she is plainly quite mad."
It is thought that the womans husband Abdul Kullunullahdullaneshhid may have sold her soul in a bid to finance the purchase of a tractor, which he has since been seen driving around rural Pakistan at relatively breakneck speeds, "he has run over five of my goats" said one unnamed farmer last night.
Abdul was unrepentant this morning after being released on bail,"Hey, whats the problem guys, I've got a lovely shiny new tractor for Christs sake! Everybody's happy yes?"
Police had yet to establish how much the man raised from the sale of the soul, but it is thought to be in excess of three cows and a yak.