UnNews:Pakistan Nuclear Scientist uses the word "shitpile"
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Pakistan Nuclear Scientist uses the word "shitpile"
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, June 22, 2017, 12:13:UTC)(
4 June 2008
Islamisbad, Pakistan Western media suddenly took notice today of a man now described as "worse than Osama Bin Laden", Abdul Qadeer Khan, after he finally snapped and used the word "shitpile" repeatedly in public.
Known for other tricks like designing Pakistan's nuclear arsenal and making scripted confessions, Mr Khan has traditionally composed himself as other nuclear scientists do. His unbridled rage has frightened many westerners, who are extremely polite.
"That guy is going to blow everything up, " concerned citizen Miss Manners screamed at the top of her petite, ladylike lungs into the village megaphone, "run for your lives... um, around in circles!"
US Military experts are calculating just how far Mr. Khan's comments can reach with Pakistan's existing missile technology. "Four years under house arrest as a puppet of a military dictatorship can generate a lot of potential energy and Mr. Khan has already passed his half-life, " explained a geek with a very large calculator and a pocket protector, "running around in circles is called for in a tense situation like this, absolutely."
Pakistan officials are continuing to pump raw sewage into Mr. Khan's home where he remains under house arrest for providing his country with the means to defend themselves in the modern world, using only his brain, the most dangerous weapon of all. He is expected to invent and deploy cold fusion next month.