UnNews:PS3 fans eagerly await OJ Simpson's new game "If You Did It"
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.|
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
18 November 2006
New! - see this story broadcast on YouTube!
UnNews Pirate News
LOS ANGELES, CA -- Gamers nationwide have been braving long lines and bad weather to get their hands on the brand new Sony PlayStation 3 console, the biggest draw being a highly-publicized game by former football player O.J. Simpson. The game, entitled "If You Did It," puts players in the shoes of the "real killer" of Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman, allowing them to re-create the notorious double-murder from 1994.
Producers say the PS3's graphics are so breathtaking and vivid that players will really feel like they committed the crimes when they try the game. Simpson himself touted the game as "a very realistic experience." Maintaining his innocence, Simpson nevertheless revealed, "Playing 'If You Did It' made me feel like I was committing the crime all over again, hypothetically of course." The former NFL star was acquitted in a 1995 criminal trial, but found guilty by everyone else in America and found liable for the deaths in a subsequent civil suit.
The game itself features a full 3D reconstruction of the posh Brentwood neighborhood in which the murders occurred, giving the player freedom to walk around and explore. Digitally rendered characters look very real and the voice acting has been described as superb by critics. Gamers score more points the closer they stick to the actual events of the night, although they are free to explore other ways to commit the double-murder. A special 2-player mode allows one person to take on the role of dimwitted Simpson house guest Kato Kaelin, tasked with trying to stop the crime before it's too late.
Families of the victims were outraged at the game's release, but hopeful some money would go to charity. However, just like with Simpson's pension and Florida home, federal laws prevent proceeds from the game's sales to be garnished for payment of his civil suit judgment. "America is a great country, isn't it?" remarked a jubilant Simpson. Nevertheless, Ron Goldman's father Fred said he would play the game, but only as the Kaelin character - attempting to slaughter Simpson for his actions.
Competing console makers are taking note of the hype surrounding "If You Did It" and starting to plan their own similarly-themed products. Microsoft will release "The Real Baretta" for the Xbox 360, in which players assume the role of Robert Blake attempting to murder his wife. Meanwhile, targeting a younger demographic, Nintendo plans to offer "Pageant Princess" for its new Wii console. Gamers will get to play as little Jon Benet Ramsey trying to survive that notorious December night when her parents strangled her in cold blood. The game will feature guest voice actor John Mark Karr. Open-source programmers, not wanting to be left behind, are releasing "Kernel Panic" for Linux, featuring Hans Reiser, a bloodstained car with the passenger seat missing and two books' worth of free-content documentation on murder investigations released under the GFDL.
- AP "Victims' families disgusted at homer Simpson murder book, interview". "", November 17, 2006