UnNews:PC wins court case
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PC wins court case
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, March 25, 2017, 23:53:UTC)(
17 November 2006
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MANCHESTER, England -- The court case Windows 98 vs. John Walker was today brought to a conclusion after days of fierce argument, with the accused Walker pleading guilty to a charge of attempted murder.
The judge judging this particular case, Justice Adams, judged the events to be "shocking" and "an offence against humanity".
Supplying evidence, the PC, Windows 98, gave an emotional testimony as it retold the events of last year’s near-tragic incident. It was revealed that during the Internet session, Mr. Walker had unintentionally uninstalled his pop-up blocker.
As Prosecution Barrister Griffiths enquired as to what Mr.Walker had then proceeded to do, the Windows 98 began to leak liquid silicon, tearfully replying "He shot me, I don‘t know why. I was only following orders. I don’t see why John would do this to me, I’ve been absolutely loyal for the last 8 years."
The Windows 98 then went on to describe the areas in which his master had shot him, and the events following, stating somewhat reluctantly that Mr. Walker simply hid behind his desk until the police arrived.
Also giving evidence for the Prosecution was neighbour Mary Richardson. "John is a nice man, wouldn’t hurt anyone, but he's got a terrible temper on him. Wouldn't like to get on the wrong side of him, oh no."
When an enquiry was made as to her actions upon hearing the shots, she replied:
"When I heard the shots, I phoned the police, of course. Can't have a shooting without lots of lovely young officers, you know. Wouldn't you like to hear what the man at number 64 does with his cats? Musn't gossip, but..." She then went on to explain numerous other crimes that the police were not previously aware of. She was removed from the box.
John Walker, pleading guilty of attempted murder, was sentenced to 10 years imprisonment, while a happy Windows 98 and family are said to be overjoyed with the decision and are now planning a family holiday to the Maldives.
"Justice has been done"