UnNews:PC Police to get new vehicles
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PC Police to get new vehicles
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, February 12, 2016, 19:52:UTC)(
April 13, 2006
PC Police Headquarters, USA-- National political correctness police headquarters has purchased a fleet of new vehicles which were commissioned today. The cars are all electric and run only at speeds under 35 MPH. PC Police Chief Noah Fence, when asked about the slow speeds, responded that his squad was more concerned about avoiding road kill than catching alcoholics, loud-mouths, and other inconsiderates. According to Chief Fence, "We'll still be able to police the English language as we always have, now we'll just be able to do it a little faster than we did on the bicycles."
Founded in 1984 after the Republican National Convention which nominated Ronald Reagan to a second term, the National PC Police have been very effective at changing various words in the English tongue. "Jungle" has now become "rain forest". "Fag" has become "queer". And in a more recent triumph, "Stewardess" has turned to "Flight Attendant".
Chief Fence claims that the new cars are going to be used to target Americans who are currently calling undocumented immigrants by their incorrect term, "Illegal Aliens". "We're planning on using these new hybrids to patrol outside counter immigration protests and spot all signs with the incorrect phrase on them. My officers estimate we can fit at least 3 or 4 signs in the back seat of each hybrid, with only a minimal loss in fuel efficiency due to the excess weight", retorted the chief.
When asked why the new cars were sporting European style license plates, Chief Fence replied, "Everyone knows the Europeans are far ahead of us when it comes to changing words around. I mean, if it wasn't for the French changing 'le computer' to 'l'ordinateur', our movement would have never gotten off the ground. The new plates make everyone think we're really French".
One anonymous officer seemed to agree with the chief on this point. "We'll obviously get more respect if they think we're French. I mean, it's an uphill battle to get people to listen to you when you're driving around with your knees in you chest."