UnNews:PBS Kids smuggling buisiness
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|This article is part of UnNews||Straight talk, from straight faces|
10 March 2008
SESAME STREET, United States -- According to recent reports the television station PBS is in the underground smuggling of one of the most addictive substances known to man. It is unknown who the boss of the smuggling is but we have a strong feeling who it could be. The reports say that Elmo was running from the police because he robbed a Walmart and when took in for questioning he said he needed the" money, a monster bubble wand, and condoms" for packaging something. We believe that the "something" is cookie dough. We have no idea how they would do that. Some other reports say that shortly after the cookie monster came out of rehab he made contact with a purple dinosaur and then was back in rehab under the grounds of possessing a s***load of cookie dough. We interviewed one of the children from Barney and friends. She said that "Barney would snuggle close to the boys and whisper into their ears and then the boys would follow him off the set." We have evidence that Barney used the boys to package the substance then rape them. I also heard rumors from the UPS guy that they were distributing the cookie dough throughout Candyland, the most corrupt continent on the face of the earth. On a happier note Big Bird was found dead in the back of his car with a badly written suicide note that said "Shinigami love apples". The lovable train Thomas was found with a HOLY S***LOAD of cookie dough. We also interviewed Clifford (an ex-smuggler), he said that "Lions will get him if he said anything" so we tortured him until he said something. Then we kill him.
We have caught the godfather of the operations. Our suspects were the Cookie Monster, Barney and Clifford. Well its non of them it was a family effort. The Lion family from between the lions. Our first clue was what Clifford said "STOP I WILL TALK JUST STOP TORTURING ME PLEEEAAASSE STOP!!!". Just joking what he really said was that the guys from the between the lions are doing it. We just didn't care about it until our moms said that we had to get them. The Lion family said that they were sorry and they wouldn't do it again so we set them free.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|