UnNews:Oxford University patents English language

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5 October 2006

OXFORD, ENGLAND - Oxford University has seen many words added to their dictionaries without their permission, and the word count of the Complete Oxford English Dictionary has almost become impractical to fill in twenty (20) books. Because of this, the Oxford University has patented the English language in an attempt to keep their printing costs down and avoid receiving printing taxes on printing more than twenty volumes in a set of books.

Books

What books look like (added for people who have never seen them before)

Currently, the University has a special printing deal which allows them to print up to twenty volumes for free. Adding in an extra book will incur a one-pound-a-book tax on the Complete Oxford English Dictionary, which is the equivalent of two US dollars. This brings the total up to £21, which is the equivalent of $42. This is very expensive, considering the high power bills used to run Oxford University.

The patenting of the English language disallows any made-up words, or adding new meanings to words. Anyone who attempts to invent words, especially using them as insults towards police officers, can face a £2000 fine and face prosecution from six months up to three years in prison. Oxford University can now keep their printing costs down and prevent confusion caused by cheesewaffling inventing new words.

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