|This article is part of UnNews||Straight talk, from straight faces|
14 January 2008
PROPOSALS FOR THE RITUAL EXECUTION of adulterers in central Oxford have been attacked by local residents as "pushing the cultural diversity card" more than a few steps too far. Muslim elders at an Oxford mosque have said they intend to push ahead with plans to introduce public executions despite fierce opposition.
Local residents have attacked the idea saying it would have a "catastrophic effect" on house prices and would "lower the tone" of Oxford as one of the UKs premier tourist locations. Concerns were also raised that any cost of cleaning up spilt blood would be met by the local council tax payers.
Despite the objection Muslim elders said they still intend to "set about punishing any who transgress the Law of Allah". They accuse those against the proposals of being "nothing more than racist infidel dogs who deserve to be cut into a thousand pieces and fed to hungry crows."
If permission is granted to stage executions, the Mosque would perform executions in Oxford center three times a day, watched with savage glee by up to 700 muslims and any other hapless shoppers or day trippers who happen to be in town that day. The Bishop of Oxford, the Rt Rev John Prick has voiced his support for the plans, "Those in opposition to the idea need to accept and embrace community diversity.".
A spokesman for the Mosque said that regular daily executions for minor transgressions is a traditional part of the religion. Mustaph Cuttah Heduff, 68, said: "we are a civilised and tolerant religion but it is required that we behead all infidels, drink their blood and eat their young".