UnNews:Outbreak of Stupidity Cripples Canadian Hospital
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Outbreak of Stupidity Cripples Canadian Hospital
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, August 27, 2016, 22:28:UTC)(
15 May 2009
WINNIPEG, Manitoba -- A recent outbreak of a virulent strain of stupidity at a Canadian hospital has health officials worldwide on high alert, raising fears of a global pandemic.
Symptoms of the strain include sudden inability to use common sense, defensiveness when confronted with intelligent individuals, and mindlessly parroting ridiculous protocols.
The stupidity has reportedly been traced back to a particularly incompetent hospital administrator, who accidentally spread the disease to several senior staff members during an informal lunch and orgy. It is not known how many other staff members are coming down with the stupidity, which has a long incubation period, because hospital spokesperson Integrity Manitou is himself completely stupid.
Following its recent success in fighting the H1N1 virus, the National Microbiology Lab in Winnipeg, Manitoba is said to have isolated the particular strain of stupidity involved in this outbreak. The disease appears to be airborne, spreading easily during meetings, conversations and political speeches. It appears unrelated to other contagion of moronic ideas.
Hand-washing and surgical masks have proven generally ineffective against the stupidity, and health officials are advising that the best defence may be to wear earplugs and close one's eyes when in close proximity to an infected individual.
Detection poses a particular problem if it spreads south to the United States, say scientists at the Centers For Disease Control in Atlanta, Georgia. Dr. Jeremiah Fruitbat commented that, "any changes in the American population will be impossible to differentiate from normal behaviour."
- Ross Romaniuk and Kathleen Harris "Fighting H1N1 virus: Winnipeg lab on the front battle against deadly pathogens". The Ottawa Sun, May 10, 2009