Osama bin Laden Declares Jihad On Allah
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, August 29, 2015, 21:25:UTC)(
3 May 2011
The United States military has deployed troops to quell the fighting in and around Mecca, but the soldiers stationed there found it more entertaining to watch the fighting as opposed to joining in to end it (much like wrestling on acid). President Obama decided to visit the soldiers stationed in Saudi Arabia to raise morale, but he wound up buying beer and potato chips for the soldiers to further the fun and hosted a tailgate party for the event. President Obama has no comment on the matter other than this as stated, "'Dis duh shit."
Reports also state that protests of Osama bin Laden's killing by the United States Department of Defense S.E.A.L. Team 6 by anti-war activists who claim "His killing has screwed us all, better free Palestine." Armed police officers were then deployed to the protests, and several activists were killed. San Francisco, California was the first U.S. city to see violence after the killing of protesters when two drunken bar patrons got into a political argument about the situation and the two proceeded to burn down city buildings with combustible lemons.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|