UnNews:Organizers may cancel Earth Day Concert after being fined by city
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Organizers may cancel Earth Day Concert after being fined by city
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, August 18, 2017, 16:35:UTC)(
20 April 2015
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Dismayed organizers of the annual Earth Day concert are considering canceling the annual event after the city fined the organization for cleanup of the National Mall.
According to city officials, patrons of Saturday's concert left the mall littered with about 2.7 tons of debris and other waste, which cost the city about $793,260 in sanitation worker salaries and disposal fees.
Johnny DuPont, spokesman for GlobalCitizen, the sponsor of the event, was distraught at a news conference. Said DuPont, "GlobalCitizen relies solely on private donations and Federal Government support to pay our operating costs. We didn't charge for tickets for the concert, so other than the money we extorted from the vendors, we didn't make anything off this concert. This fine will impede our goal of stopping pollution by 2030. We might have to tighten our belts after this."
"We did so much to ensure that the concert would be a success this year", said DuPont. "We flew in each of the 11 performers and hosts on their own private jets, we prepared for traffic by using our website to allow our patrons to reserve parking places for their limos, SUVs and Hummers, and we placed three wastebaskets in the corner of the mall to accommodate all the styrofoam plates and cups, and plastic utensils our patrons would use during the event. We are unsure how our plans failed. We planned to the last detail."
In response to questioning about where the group might tighten its expenditures, DuPont lamented that this wouldn't even be necessary if the organization's liberal support base would make charitable contributions to even a fraction of the level of their conservative counterparts. He went on to list a few of the possible places that the cuts might occur. These included the $23 million in gratuities paid to each member of the Board of Directors, campaign contributions to the Hillary Clinton campaign, or perhaps the organization would have to forgo the purchase of one of its 2015 Porsche 918 Spyder company cars.
"We are between a rock and a hard place on this one", said DuPont. "We can't have another fine like this one, but at the same time if we cancel future concerts, we will have a difficult time getting out our primary message that everyone else needs to take care of the Earth."
The group's secondary message — putting an end to global poverty — may likewise take a giant step backward due to the fines.
- Christine Rousselle "National Mall Trashed After Global Citizen 2015 Earth Day Concert". TownHall.com, April 19, 2015