UnNews:Orange you glad I didn't say banana
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10 December 2006
AMERICA, WORLD - A proper joke is a delicate thing. Delivered with gravitas and precision timing, a joke can teach the world to sing again - or something equally sappy. But today, no such joke was crafted, for today is a day that jokesters will forever mourn. Today, the world's worst knock-knock joke was told.
Yes, knock-knock jokes are well known to be the most inferior of all spoken jokes - "interrupting cow", anyone? - but the joke told today was told with such bland lack of charm and unimaginative grace that it sparked mass boredom. The joke was as follows:
After days of anonymity, the joke teller admitted his identity: Dick Hertz, a European man. He tried apologizing on David Letterman, but people wouldn't stop laughing at his name. "C'mon, people," (The) Dick pleaded, "It's not even that funny. My mother, she was a failed and bitter stand-up comedian. She thought it would be funny. Please just - STOP LAUGHING!" He stormed off the stage in a huff, crying. It was the first time he ever made people laugh.
The recipient of the joke, Humphrey Lee, had this to say: "Not funny. At all. Just stupid. Also, I'm suing him, because while I wasn't looking my home burned down, killing my pet goldfish. I mean the poor thing was almost 3 days old, I thought I might have had a world record for longest life span. But, seriously, it just wasn't funny, and I'm very annoyed."
Perhaps most terrifying about this whole ordeal is not the fact that it is a horrible, and perhaps the most horrible, joke, but that a worse one may follow. Some inside sources say they already know of such a joke. At least one person believes that the worse joke involves a petty insult involving the handsomeness (or lack thereof) of one's face, as seen here: . But whether or not such an awful joke sees the light of day in the near future has yet to be seen.