UnNews:One year on: missing banana "still out there"
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One year on: missing banana "still out there"
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, September 28, 2016, 17:02:UTC)(
1 May 2008
THE OWNERS OF A BANANA that was mislaid nearly a year ago said on Thursday they believe the un-peeled banana is still somewhere, lying uneaten in some fridge a year after they lost it whilst on holiday in Portugal. Mr Gibbon mislaid the banana after thoughtlessly leaving it unguarded on a table whilst he and his wife went to the pool tapas bar for tea. It is thought that it was probably taken by an opportunistic monkey who had "likely been stalking the banana for some time."
In an interview with UnNews, Mr and Mrs Gibbon said they thought the banana may have been snatched from their holiday apartment by an organised gang of monkeys on the Algarve last May, "It's still out there and we're asking for help to find it," a strangely unemotional Mr Gibbon said in the interview, "we were going to have it for supper, with a bit of cream but sadly we had to make do with an apple".
Mrs Gibbon said they would keep looking for the banana until they receive concrete evidence that it had been eaten. "What a disservice it would be to this lovely banana to assume otherwise, without any evidence," she said. The couple, who are still suspected to have actually eaten the banana themselves, have given a series of interviews to mark the first anniversary of the fruits disappearance.
On Wednesday, they said that they have received hate mail blaming their "drunken arrogance" for the loss of a "really nice, firm banana." They said they were inundated with messages of support, especially from others who had mislaid pieces of fruit themselves.
Mr Gibbon read out a letter which said: "You lost that banana because of your drunken arrogance. Shame on you. I curse you and your family to suffer forever. PS, love the show!"
The year since the banana disappeared on May 3, shortly after being bought from a local market, had been like "a cheap Carry On movie", Mr Gibbon said, "all the police seemed to care about was making cheap, inuendo based puns on whether the banana was stuck up mine or my wifes bottom hole!"