Once a Blue always a blue red

Truth doesn't "live here" — It's just camping out

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10 August 2009


Blue at heart red by nature

ISTANBUL, Turkey -- When boxing legend come Croxteth bad boy Wayne Rooney snogged the Man Putrid shirt and badge, the twenty year-old right-footed traitor signalled the greatest conversion since Paul took the road to Damascus.

Today, Turkish television giant Kanal T have marked baldy Wazza's anniversary by launching a brand new controversial TV reality programme called I'm an Atheist, get me out of here.

The show's premise is simple. Ten young, nubile, scantily dressed, atheistic contestants are locked away for however long it takes and subjected to lectures from five different religious fanatics on a daily basis. They each aim to convert the contestants to their own religion.

If a contestant decides to convert they are allowed out immediately. If a contestant has had enough and wants to leave, they merely have to shout out, "For the love of God, I'm an atheist, get me out of here." The last contestant standing wins $2M and free (non-transferable) psychiatric sessions at the Priory Clinic for a lifetime.

Religious nuts are queuing up to take part as lecturers in the show and the pilot, due next month, will involve:

  • Billy Graham from the 'either love Jesus or you'll be damned' crew
  • Cat Stevens from the 'in the morning we'll break you' crew
  • Kwai Chang Caine from the 'Shaolin, Kill Bill, shoelace around the cock' crew
  • Katie Jordan, from the 'breast implants are good for you' crew, and
  • Mad Jock McMad, the madman who won last year's International Mad contest

The show's integrity has been questioned by none other than the infamous Crosby poet Roger Van Gogh. "It's a great idea and not to be scoffed at," argued former Sikh, Van Gogh, "but I don't think it would catch on in North Liverpool. We love our atheism, swinging and cocoa too much."

I'm an Atheist, get me out of here, presented by God's very own David Eyke, will be broadcast by Setanta Turkey as pay per view. Viewers on terrestrial TV can get stuffed.

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