UnNews:Omaha set to change name

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21 January 2014

Omaha skyline

The flat and boring farm city would remain flat, but perhaps less boring, with a new name.

[      ], Nebraska -- The city of Omaha, Nebraska is in the final stages of a name change.

The move was accelerated by an explosion at a plant Monday morning that killed two workers and injured 10, but has been years in the making. City fathers note that the city is surrounded by plants, mostly corn, and if more started to explode, it might be even more difficult to get employees to relocate to the isolated city in the central United States than it already is.

The city's existing name is deliberately shrouded in mystery. In the AFC championship football game on Sunday, Denver quarterback Peyton Manning shouted "Omaha!" on nearly every play. It was always the second-to-last audible before the ball was snapped, but no one knew what it meant. Similarly, in World War II, American soldiers entered Europe at "Omaha Beach." The name was chosen not because there really is an Omaha anywhere on the coast of Europe, but exactly so that the "Jerries" would not know where it was, as virtually no one knows where the other Omaha is either.

Interim fire chief Bernie Kanger said, "The city cannot keep growing with a name that has always been shrouded in secrecy and mystery." He said that the city has conducted a name-the-city competition between elementary schools, a process that has been used with success for athletic teams, resulting in names such as the ThunderCats, RiverUnicorns, and Mighty Ducks, which are thought-provoking and no more cryptic than Omaha. Generally, after the little tykes vote, marketeers disqualify or set aside some of the options to enable merchandising tie-ins with their largest sponsors.

Kanger said that the leading name in the competition to replace Omaha is "Pacific Shores Estates."

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