UnNews:Olipro is wearing a thong, offers $10,000 to anyone who can guess what color it is
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Olipro is wearing a thong, offers $10,000 to anyone who can guess what color it is
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, June 29, 2016, 22:06:UTC)(
2 March 2008
UNCYCLOPEDIA, UK - Established running joke Olipro of Uncyclopedia made a public wager yesterday morning in the form of an online bulletin posted at exactly 12:00 PM, GMT. The bulletin told the Uncyclopedia community that he was currently wearing a thong, and that a prize of US$10,000 would be awarded to the first person who could tell him what color it was. He made sure to state that it was not the standard leopard print that most of the community was used to seeing over their faces when they woke up every morning, and that in fact this was a thong he had only recently purchased at a local yard sale. The only other hint included in the lewd and licentious bulletin (which had a large picture of Olipro not wearing the thong as the header) was that the thong was one solid color, and was the first thong that he owned to not have anything written on it.
When asked, most users told this reporter that they were "hesitant to open anything from Olipro," One such user, Squiggle, told us why. "He usually just puts up pictures of his penis, or videos of himself. I accidentally clicked on it, since I just got one of those weird trackball mouses. Bam. Next thing I know, I'm staring down the barrel of the single most feared johnson on Uncyclopedia." Our reporter then asked him if he was going to take part in the contest, to which he replied "What contest?"
Further investigation showed that, in fact, most other Uncyclopedia users were unaware of the $10,000 up for grabs for a single correct guess. Even the few who actually were unfortunate enough to open the bulletin were still left unaware that such a contest even existed. When asked why, all of the users our reporter talked to said that they had closed the bulletin within seconds of opening it, not knowing that any actual message existed past the penis picture at the top.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|
In fact, only one user stepped up to the challenge. At 12:34 PM GMT, Dave2 replied with the correct color, winning the cash prize. However, upon reading the fine print at the bottom, (which was next to yet another picture of Olipro's genitalia) it was discovered that in order to claim his prize, he would have to extract it, one $20 bill at a time, from Olipro's asshole. This catch did not seem to phase Dave2, who later commented that it was "the easiest money I've ever made."