27 April 2011
The alarm was first raised earlier this year when a recently underused media news spigot near Buckingham Palace started leaking and emitting noxious smells. The flow increased when it was announced that Prince William and Kate Middleton were to marry in April. Despite repeated warnings that the royal oily news well was about to blow, the British government declined to intervene and have instead organised street parties to lap up the ooze. Once the flood began, media representatives from Britain and elsewhere have added their gush to the increasing torrent of garbage which which is now creeping down the Royal Mall and heading for the River Thames.
London's mayor, Boris Johnson, arrived at the scene and looked at the growing stinking tide. Media reports state that but clapped his bands and said Jolly Excellent as the torrent grew in force. Johnson also waded into the brown river and added to the output with his observations like ...fairytale wedding..., ...Beautiful couple... and ...Whoooaa - Kate has the best pair of bazoomas since Prince Diana... before he was hosed down by experts from British Petroleum.
Hopes to cap the royal well with a revolution, guillotine or firing squad have now been ruled out. Current estimates suggest the high tide for the media pollution will be on Friday, with people being advised to carry round face masks and sick bags in case they are overtaken by the nauseous fumes emanating from the slick. Other countries have also been put on alert in case the floating mess reaches their shores.
- Staff "USA news coverage of the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton". USA Today, April 27, 2011