UnNews:Oh my God, Russia killed Kenny, you bastards!
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Oh my God, Russia killed Kenny, you bastards!
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, May 6, 2016, 22:59:UTC)(
9 September 2008
Europe, Russia, Moscow
Moscow criminal prosecutors today began legal proceedings aimed at the cartoon series South Park today in a bid to kill Kenny in Russia. Lead Prosecutor Ivan Awfulitch was quoted as saying "Comrades, South Park is capitalist propaganda that attacks our progressive social programs and way of life. This character 'Kenny' is an abomination speaking only swear words about mother Russia and our fearless leader Vladimir Putin by accusing him of being a dictator and invading Georgia for the oil rights and sea ports to control the economy and create a monopoly on oil in the region." the jury was shocked. Kenny was defended by Yakov Smirnoff who could only tell Russian Reversal jokes like "In Soviet Russia, Kenny kills you!" which only caused the jury to be more shocked and found Kenny guilty of attempted murder on their lives and the lives of everyone in Russia.
Sadly this evening Kenny was lead to a firing squad and his last request was "Mphmfm phmmfpppff ffphhhh mph mfm mmmfmphmmpp phmmph Mmmphhmmph Mmmphmphm!" but since nobody figured out what he was trying to say they promptly shot him. Causing the South Park kids to say "Oh my God, they killed Kenny! You bastards!" which was sad news but Butters Stotch was ready to replace him again anyway. They created a tribute video to Kenny for the many ways he died.
Also Russia banned South Park from their TV channels and DVD stores as well just to make sure that Kenny stays dead this time. But fans in the rest of the world await the return of Kenny which may be a month to a year before he is written back into the show, alive, and without a logical explanation as to why he came back to life. At this point fans of South Park are used to Kenny dying every now and them, only this time in Russia he will stay dead and not come back there again.