LONDON, England -- Channel 4 regulator Ofcom has pledged to investigate fully the 40000 complaints
Big Brother Is Watching You
they have received about the British reality TV show Big Brother. The organisation issued the following statement to all the concerned viewers who wrote in: "You cannot run. You cannot hide. You will never escape. BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU." This statement, originally intended to reassure viewers, has caused widespread panic, with hordes of terrified do-gooders attempting to flee the country. However, many may have no place to go, with countries around the world closing their borders to British asylum seekers. The governments of Romania and Bulgaria have warned that only a small number of skilled workers will be let in, while the Indian authorities have told prospective British immigrants: "Go home you racist bastards". Most African countries meanwhile have incarcerated all UK citizens attempting to gain entry until correct papers have been received.
UK government officials have denied any suggestions of poetic justice.