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Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, January 24, 2017, 07:32:UTC)(
14 October 2011
FREEDOM SQUARE, UNCYCLOPEDIA - Comedians, goof-offs and lay-abouts have occupied the internet website Uncyclopedia in Solidarity with their counterparts in the real world who've converged to Occupy Wall Street in New York, Dealey Plaza in Dallas, and the Serengeti Plain in Africa. As many as 10,000 virtual comics have encamped in the articles and forums of Uncyclopedia with signs, sleeping bags, and salty snacks.
Encamped with the protesters are such funnymen and jokey women as Jerry Seinfeld, the corpse of Fatty Arbuckle, and Kathy Griffin. Each has brought their best material to add to Uncyclopedia's treasure trove of hilarious bits. The voices of the multitudes singing random favorites such as "We Shall Overcome", "Knick Knack Paddy Wack Give the Dog a Bone", and "If I Could Afford A Hammer" ring out over the websites main page - which the protesters have renamed Freedom Square - robustly led by such lumanaries as the Wizard and the raccoons.
"My blood runs cold with pride as I look over this sea of funny and flabby flesh," says long-time Uncy journalist SPIKE. "Never in my short time on this earth have I been so proud to be a member of the comedic race."
Occupy Uncyclopedia spokesperson RAHB (dressed as Oscar Wilde) told a packed press conference that not only will the comedians stay on the main page for as long as it takes to overthrow all that is wrong with everything, but will start whisper-fix-er-upper campaigns and either teach-ins or sleep-ins on other websites.
"Occupy Uncyclopedia has only itself to blame for all the woes of the world," faux Wilde stated, "And for us to repair everything what needs fixin' we only need time, media coverage, and some roughhousing at the hands of the authorities. I look forward to blood on my hands, coming from the comedians next to me God willing, and I will use that blood to make even more signs and banners proclaiming what we want to have happen that hasn't as yet occurred."
"I don't want to die here," claims uber Uncy-chick, Sophia, "But I will happily do so if it means we reach our goal of utopia. Only when paradise on earth is obtained will I consider moving from this hallowed spot. As the American darkies sang in the '60s, 'We shall not, we shall not be moved,/Like a tree standing by the water, we shall not be moved." Sophia was heard singing this verse over and over as she left to seek out some to-die-for Indian food in the neighborhood.
The Uncyclopedians have vowed to occupy the front page until something happens. Or until, keeping hope alive, Sophia reports back on the Indian Food.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|