|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
17 October 2012
NEW YORK, New York -- President Barack Obama fought back in the presidential campaign, sealing an impressive display in a heated 90-minute debate in the Big Apple with an impeccable rendition of the theme tune from hit anodyne black sitcom The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air.
Obama was widely believed to have lost in the last debate with Mitt Romney, and was allegedly so rattled by the encounter, that in private he asked advisors if it was possible to "give Romney the South" and split the USA into two nations: one a latte-sipping, abortionista, modern-day Sodom and Gomorroah, the other a cousin-kissing, creationist, New Jerusalem.
There were no such nerves last night, however. An improved performance was called for, and Obama delivered, saying: "In West Philadelphia, born and raised. On the playground was where I spent most of my days. Chilling out, maxing, relaxing, all cool - shooting some b-ball outside of the school," before adding, "when a couple of guys - who were up to no good - started making trouble in my neighborhood. I got in one little fight and my mom got scared! She said, 'You're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air.'"
CNN commentator Angelina Pegorano said Obama got the level just right. "Obama is an expert at portraying himself as an inoffensive black man - that's how he got to be president when half the country are racists. With the Fresh Prince, he chose a cultural reference that was just perfect - it's black enough to be sassy, but homey and established enough so that middle-class white Americans don't vomit when they think of it."
Romney was clearly caught off guard by the rap, and attempted to improvise a version of the theme tune to Cheers but was notably weak on the lyrics of the verse. A delighted Obama team member quipped, "Cheers might be the place where everybody knows your name, but it doesn't seem to be the place where everybody knows the words!"
American presidential elections are not won or lost based on who sings television theme songs the best, but it certainly helps. In 1980, a pre-Alzheimer's Ronald Reagan turned around a flagging campaign with a barn-storming version of the theme tune to Diff'rent Strokes. Mitt Romney will be hoping that luck will stroke diff'rently for him. Or something like that, there's a pun there to be made.
|Obama wins debate with Fresh Prince rap was an article written for the Noob only writing competition 2012!|
Yay for us!
And yay for them!